Dis-order of the Jedi Council

Stormtroopper 9/11

2010-05-18T05:30:00.000-07:00

There is no way one X-Wing can demolish this thing!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Thumb War!!!

2008-07-27T02:51:00.000-07:00

This is the true story of the war that old George Lucas tried to plagiarize from. Watch it and you shall know...

Fancy a getaway ship?

2008-01-29T09:27:00.000-08:00

Remember that ship that Han Solo got away with? The ship is a highly modified YT-130 light freighter that has been used numerously to battle The Empire. Me would like to get myself one. Cool ship it is. Bet I can build one from Lego. Hmmmm .... yeah why not? I'll just order one from Lego at just USD 499 a pop!

Let's see how they build it from scratch...

The Jedi Council is an unlawful place

2008-01-12T21:09:00.000-08:00

Full of foul-mouthed Jedis, is what the Jedi Council is. Beware, if you are a light-hearted creature, for the clip below is full of curses and swearing words that may be too much for those who has not yet reached puberty.

DO NOT PRESS PLAY, if thou shall be offended. Thou hath been warned!

Need a hair cut

2008-01-07T16:40:00.000-08:00

"Ah...my hair is long..I desperately need a hair-cut"..A femes quote by Master Cheong-mou from the Planet Chiakbehliao

The Great Chancellor

2008-01-04T06:20:00.000-08:00

Gentlemen, I am honour to introduce you, the Great Chancellor Tualampa, PJK, PJM, the leader of the Republic. He is from Planet Miao, and he is the 205th Chancellor of the Republic. He is 564 years old, and had served as the Chancellor since the year of the Ox.

Long live the Chancellor !

A Tragedy....

2008-01-04T00:04:00.000-08:00

This is a nice morning. The air is fresh after some showering rain from last night. The resident of City of Tualiap starts to fill up the street gaps between the sky scrapers. The people seems so small from my 200th floor of Kensington Flat.

Something bothering me. Since the shocking news of assassination of Master Bhutor 3 years ago, the atmosphere of the Council had never been loosen before; Master Yoda is worried, the Dark Force seems to be awaken. Is the assassination a plan from the remains of the Dark Armies ? Has the Darth Lords active after the war ? These questions fill all the member of the Council.

3 years ago....

"Go to Planet Paskitani, you must", said Master Yoda to Master TM. "Cause of assassinate, you must find. Report to us your finding." Handed to Master TM, was the Script of Urusan Paduka Chancellor from the Parliament. "Worry the Great Chancellor is. You to check he asked for."

Master TM took over the Script and read carefully. The script sound:
"To the Members of Jedi Council, the Defender of the Republic,

We are shock to hear, that Master Bhutor's life were taken so easily. She had been protecting the chaotic Planet Pakistani for ages. Without her, we believe this Planet will no longer under the reign of the Republic. We concern that her death will bring violent to this front line planet with our rival enemy of The Flugon Empire.

Her place must be replaced in no time. A Jedi Master must be stationed there as the Commander of the armies of the Republic. The members of the Cabinet thinks Master TM is capable to withstand the violent attack from the Flugon Empire.

The Parliament had spoken with 100% agree to send Master TM.

To assist him, the Parliament agrees to reinforce the Pakistani troops with 100,000 men. Our order is your service.

Thank you.

"Love the language of the Republic"

Regards,
Tualampa, PJK, PJM
The Great Chancellor of the Republic"

"Go Planet Pakistani, you must. May the Force be with you!" Master TM thanked the Council. With 100,000 men with 10 Star Cruisers, Master TM headed to Planet Pakistani.

It has been 2 years after Master TM left for the planet.....

My door bell awakes me from my deep thought. Young Sidawan Jialat was outside my door.
"Master Yoda requires your attendant, Master Templar." say the Young Sidawan.
"Anything serious?" I ask. "We receive a report from Master TM." Oh, some news from my dear friend !

Quickly, I follow the Sidawan to the Chamber of Council. When reach, I see Master Yoda, Master Bates and Master Sexx with Great Chancellor Tualampa. Something not right, whisper my heart.

"Ah, come Master Templar. The report you read." Master Yoda passes me a green colour, with blood stain on the page, but the words are written so clearly, but obviously, I sense worry from the words...

"There were war between the Flugons and the Republic. Both had casualties. The force of the Empire is strong, but we able to crashed their main base in Pangsaikang. Their force should be weaken, but weird things happened. I sense a strange force cast over the enemy. A force so strange that I couldn't explain it! The enemy gains power in short period. Right after our occupation of Pangsaikang, the enemy had us surrounded in layers! We were lucky to break through their wall of armies! But weird, they let us fled to Pakistani. Something is not right, Master Yoda."

"Strange force?" Question Master Bates, while masturbating......

Master Yoda's face wrinkled. "Dark Force had awaken, I afraid.", whispered Yoda.

"We should not let the Flugons penetrates our defence. We should not lose out Paskitani." Said the Chancellor. "How do I report to the Parliament ? I shall not tell the Senators about this old crap of Dark Force, what ever...."

Oh gosh, politician, I always hate politicians.

"Worry you shall not, Chancellor. Go to Pakistani, myself will. Check the weird force I will." Master Yoda said to the useless Chancellor.

"May the force be with you, Master Yoda."

Hopped into the space shutter, with another team of reinforcement, Master Yoda warp into deep space, head toward the chaotic war zone of Pangsaikang.

He sense the Darth Force had awaken. Did the remains of the Dark Armies find their way to the Flugons????

Help wanted: Jedi Pablo lost his 'balls'

2008-01-02T22:28:00.000-08:00

Can you guys help him find his testicles? He lost it when he undergoes an aggresive training programme recently...please help..please..(pleading on his behalf)..

Wanna know what happened to Jar Jar Binks?

2007-12-30T23:43:00.000-08:00

Remember that idiotic character who followed young Anakin around and makes stupid practical jokes?

Sorry, no points for guessing which one is Jar Jar Binks.

Most of you must be wondering what in the Galactic Republic has this joker been to lately? Well to put it simple, he's dead! Yeah, didn't you remember? Here's the last conversation he had with Master Yoda moments before his demise:

Jar Jar Binks : "Master Yoda, mesa want to learn how to use the light sabre."
Master Yoda with surprised look : "Quite sure, are you?"
Jar Jar Binks : "Yeap, come on, come on, wesa teach me!"
Yoda : "Alright, teach you, I shall."

Master Yoda gave him a light sabre.

Yoda : "Turn it on, you must."

Jar Jar Binks held the light sabre, flips the switch and the it lights up instantly.

Yoda : "Rule number one, poke it in your eyes ......"

Jar Jar Binks poke the light sabre into his eyes and died.

" ..... you must not!", continued Master Yoda.

Changed my name, I have

2007-12-30T23:27:00.000-08:00

Actually it's not really a change of name. I am only using my real name, a name that my father gave to me before he wore that dreadful black mask and defected to the Dark Side. He gave me the name Bates. So once I have completed my apprenticeship, I give up the title Padawan Bates to become my name now..... logical ain't it?

Master Bates, a.k.a. Master W@ik0

A yanker caught yanking!

2007-12-30T19:33:00.001-08:00

Image from: starwars.com

Ahem..while the Jedi Masters are deciding on what strategy to impose on the battlefield..Master TM caught this 'Yanker' (equivalent to a Corporal rank in present days) doing what he's doing at the back of the Command Centre...muahahaha!

He must be a machai of Master Sexx, brought from the planet hamsap..finishing the job he's ought to finish..but no time to do it there....

The other side of the great war in the field of chiak sai...

2007-12-30T18:52:00.000-08:00

'twas that day when i was pimpin' around planet hamsap, and with the jedi title, chicks came to me like metal to magnet. hey, i am Master Sexx, what a place for me to be in. So then i have received a call from my cheong kaki, master Moutakteng (according to legend, his equipment and stamina really moutakteng, really terror)

mtt (moutakteng): (with sounds like men grunting and girlish screams behind) Eh, Master Sexx, where are you lah!?
me: me ah, planet hamsap lah! check out the chicks here la!
mtt: planet hamsap!? you siao ah, the aliens there are transvestites lah, they do both females and males one lah!
me: oh, no wonder the guy was looking at me strange when i was doing it. what's up?
mtt: you come over to the field of chiaksai lah, it's just a few parsecs away, we are having heck of a party here!
me: party? got chicks boh?
mtt: dogs, horses, sheep, you name it lah! bring along your mah-cais lah, there's enough for everybody here, and also bring full armor ya? they get kinda rowdy sometimes! hello? hullo?
me: (switches off phones)... Beep... Beep... Beep...

and so, i gelled my hair, polished my armor, stocked up on rubber, filled up my kwailanmobile and headed off for field of chiaksai.
lo and behold, it was sparkling with light from a distance, and lots of black cloud too. i thought to myself: "that's one heck of a new year party there!"
i increased my speed to a few gigas and broke through the dark cloud...
NIASENG! it's a battle la! and below, i could see lord moutakteng fighting furiously, hair fizzled from the laser beams, and his clothing is just reduced to his cap crocodile undies (with holes).

so i shouted "eh, i thought you said it was a party?"
mtt: "it was, that is until Emy started groping everyone and lord kekseilei got jealous and started slashing everyone with his saber, stupid fler sucked in too much of the dark side drugs... he has gone completely bonkers! i knew you won't come if i told you there was war... so instead..."
me:"p**i! i spent 1 hour geeling my hair and polishing my armour, and this is what i get!!?"
mtt:"quit griping and start fighting ok? i also told master kk (to be here soon) the same story, and he took it in like you too, he will be here in a short while..."
me:"all right all right, i will help you, but what do i tell my boys lah?"
mtt:"just tell them it's a new style of lurve making, they like it rough anyway"
me:"okok, you owe me big time ok, after this i get to cheong Emy ok?"
mtt:" okok you get the front, i get the back, ok?"
me:" sheesh liddat also wanna bargain"

and so, the battle begun, i slashed and slashed, and in the end scored too. not bad... :D

Fallen head...

2007-12-30T18:47:00.000-08:00

Image from: starwars.com

Yes, u r right! This is the fallen head of Darklord Kekseilei at the battlefield..a grim reminder for those opposing the White Side!

The Awaken Masters

2007-12-30T17:16:00.000-08:00

Yes, yes, our mission had awaken the sleeping force from the ancient world ! The legend tells it well; far far away from our known world, there are sleeping Jedis yet to be awaken by the Force. Legend tell us, the Masters were hibernating after the Great War in the Field of Chiaksai.

The Legend says:

There was the dawn of darkness
The Dark Lords were marching to the Field
Green grass were burned by the Dark Force
Yellow flower turned to ashes
Blue water became sticky white fluid
Bright sky became pitch dark
The birds fell into the ground
The Field of Chiaksai had turned to battle ground
Lord Moutakteng came with 100,000 men
Lord Kekseilei charged with his 200,000 Dark Armies

Padawan W@iko fight bravely
He chopped the head of the Dark Armies
He sniffed his enemies with his fire flare
The force is strong in him, whisper Lord Moutakteng
Jedi Master he is become, inform Master Yoda to Lord Moutakteng
So be the New Order
Padawan W@iko will become Master Jedi W@iko
when the War finished, said Lord Moutakteng

The War continued for a period
Where the blue moon raises and fall 3 times
Where the Sun hide and shine for 6 times
Where the Planet Laosai circled the Sun for 5 times
Where the weather changed for 100 times

Both had casualties
Up in the hill
Lord Moutakteng shouted to Dark Lord Kekseilei
Stop the War, or I shall have no mercy !
The Dark Lord never surrender
He summoned more Dark Armies
The Darks were outnumbered
Lord Moutakteng's forces were crushed !

Oh the war had became so fierce !
The Sun were scared not to shine
The Blue Moon were frightened that it never been seen
The Planet Laosai were unseen in the sky
The living things were vanished

It was the dust of the war
The Darks were winning
The Brights were trapped, deeply circled by the Darks
Surrender to the Dark Side, said Dark Lord Kekseilei
And I spare your life, offered the Dark Lord
Never fall to you, said Master Jedi
Die for bright I will, wounded but still had the Force of Bone
We shall die of honour, chant Lord Moutakteng !
Charged ! The remain of the Bright Force, towards the thick wall of the Dark Armies

All of the sudden
the Sun shines from the horizon
the blue moon appears behind the distant hills
the dark cloud blew away
from the sky, fell two great armies with shinning armour !

Master Sexx come to rescue ! Shouted the knight with golden armour
Master Sexx's armies crushed into the Dark Armies
The Darks collapsed like man without legs

Your order is my service, said Master KK
Yes, yes, you are at the right time, cheered Lord Moutakteng

With the reinforcements
The Bright Force crushed the Dark like throwing XXX strike in a bowling game
The Darks flee like mouses met the cats

The war ended
with Lord Moutakteng captured Lord Kekseilei
Once you are the Jedi, why do you turn to Dark Side ? Asked Lord Moutakteng
We were best friends, we played together, we learned the Force,
Together, we can rule the universe like friend and friend, Invite Lord Moutakteng to the Dark Lord
No, said the Dark Lord, you destroyed my life.
You knew I love Emy. Why you love her ? Why you steal her from me ?
Hate had master my mind. I couldn't resist the power of the Dark Force !
It gave me strength, it gave me power ! Said the Dark Lord

I have no choice, my old friend, said Lord Moutakteng
The Council had spoken, we have no choice
but the Dark Force is ajaran sesat.
Any attempt of awaken the ajaran will be stopped immediately
including the life. May the force guide you to the Bright Side. Cried Lord Moutakteng.

Then by the day of the seventh of the seventh blue moon
in the years of miscounted number
Dark Load Kekseilei were beheaded.
Lord Moutakteng cried for thousand days
Once his best friend and his comrade is life terminated right in front of his eyes

I should hybernate
seeking for the True Force, announced the Lord
The Council, is now under Master Yoda's guidance.
You all shall obey his command.
Finished his will, the Lord flew into Deep Universe.
No one know where is he
No one know when he will be back
No one know what happen to him.....

The legend say, seek for the Masters of the Field of Chiaksai
They shall be back for the True Force

Yes, we had found the Masters of the Field,
Welcome aboard Masters !

What is the force: definition by Master W@ik0

2007-12-30T16:56:00.000-08:00

What is the force? Don't listen to what that American tell you about The Force. What's his name? Iceberg? Carlsberg? Ohh ... Spielberg. Thanks. Yeah, he knows nothing about The Force.

The Force is everywhere. It's in the air you breath in. Every morning it wakes up the Sun in the Dargas Constellation and at night, the twin moon system of Leroc and Leroy. It's in every Wookie that you choose to despise, in every camel-beast that you ride on, they are all connected to each other by the force.

My force wakes me up every morning. With a loud squirt, and comes with a lingering foul stench like a rotting Naboo corpse. It comes after every meal, after my bowel has cleaned itself....

:
:
:

wait a minute ...... I think that's called a fart. Err ..... 'scuse me, I really need to let a big one rip.... ahhhhh .... that feels so good.

The Force

2007-12-30T16:18:00.001-08:00

Image from: starwars.com

In physics, force is what causes a mass to accelerate. It may be experienced as a lift, a push, or a pull. The acceleration of the body is proportional to the vector sum of all forces acting on it (known as net force or resultant force). In an extended body, force may also cause rotation, deformation, or an increase in pressure for the body. Rotational effects are determined by the torques, while deformation and pressure are determined by the stresses that the forces create.
(Source: Wikipedia)

So...Master W@iko has joined force...Master Yoda be proud he will be!

The definition of 'force' above is just a layman's concept...what is 'The Force' then? Even Wiki do not have the detailed explanation..just this:
The Force can refer to:

The Force (Star Wars), mystical energy in the Star Wars universe
The police force
The Force: Behind the Line, an Australian documentary series about the Western Australia Police
The Force (Onslaught album), an album by Onslaught
The Force (album), an album by Kool and the Gang
The FORCE, the Hampton University Marching Band
The Force (band), 1990s punk rock band featuring Hunter Burgan
Western Force Rugby Super 14 team from Perth, Australia
The Force (UK TV series), a British TV show, produced by ITV Productions for ITV4

So..what it is then? Perhaps Master Templar and Master W@aiko can give the readers something that we Jedi Master has known for many aeons..'What is The Force'?

Master W@ik0 has been summoned!

2007-12-29T06:48:00.000-08:00

eHuh? From my deep slumber, who dares wakes me up? *Ugghhh ..... pant pant pant!* Phew, I've been sleeping for 400 years and these two jokers, err.... jedis, woke me up to write this piece of blog? I mean come on, I'm old. My forces are weak, unlike those two youngsters. I'm at least 250 year older than they are! The only light sabres I have been in contact with is that long florescent light tube that my Jedi wife ask me to change.

Jedi council eh? Let me go look see look see..... hmmm.....

We want to recruit you! Yes..you!

2007-12-28T21:55:00.001-08:00

Image from: starwars.com

Yes! You who are now looking at us! You lor...who else...don't kesi kesi look somewhere else la..it's EWE!!

Come join the Force...we feel the dark force getting stronger..come..join us to brighten up the

~~Asshole~~ Blackhole..we want you to be our Jedi members! Lai lai...

Both are really trouble kids huh?

2007-12-28T21:51:00.001-08:00

Image from: starwars.com

The school principal: Oh no! Not them again! No eye see la!

Image from: starwars.com

The Headmaster: 'I don't want to hear..I don't want to hear..I don't want to hear....'

Don't remind me of Moutakteng and Kekseilei..I don't want to hear their names plzzzz!!!

2007-12-27T22:24:00.000-08:00

Image from: starwars.com

This is Emma..the retired school teacher of both the arch-rivals..so scared of hearing their names..and I guess you will know why...

Never mind if you still don't...I don't know too...hahaha...coz Emma is so reluctant to tell even after she retired from teaching several hundred years ago...must be pathetic

The Forgotten Story

2007-12-27T22:09:00.000-08:00

Ahh.... thanks to Master TM for reminding us the untold history between the two Lords. They were friends, as I remember. It never been written in any history of the Jedi, but it's very true and not a legend.

I remember my elders told me this verbal history of the two Lords. Long long time ago......

Master Moutakteng = M; Master Kekseilei = K

On the way back home, Padawan Moutakteng spotted Padawan Kekseilei.
M :"Hey Kekseilei, where are you going."
K :"Going home lar! Where to go after school."
M :"Yalor hor, after school, sure go home lar. If not, nothing to do hor."

Then the two young Padawans left to their own home. Period.

What? This is not important ? Who say so? This is a very true evident that both Lords were friends before they fight each other !

This is very important. All Jedi Master must know. Don't say don't want to know.

The Archenemy>>Dark Lord Kekseilei

2007-12-27T21:59:00.001-08:00

Well..this is the remains of him after his head was cut-off by Master Moutakteng...well preserved in the Chamber of Craps..serving as a reminder to all the enemies out there not to prei prei with the Jedis!! Or your head will be displayed here too...beware!

Muahahahaha..cough cough..haha..cough cough..arrgh..cough...muahahaha!

Our beloved Master Moutakteng

2007-12-27T20:25:00.001-08:00

Ah...everytime I look at this photo..I feel so proud of our Jedi clan...his posture, his move, his look, his character..are flawless! So handsome and so MAN!

Too bad..after retirement at the ripe age of 1,001 years old, he went into hiding in an unknown planet..contemplating his last battle with the evil Dark Lord Kekseilei..the battle he nearly lost in the Field of Chiaksai..

All the old Jedians have faint memory of this Great Founder...therefore little is known about him and little to be talked of..other than the fond memory that he likes to sniff his finger every time he scratches his groin...

The First Chapter......

2007-12-27T18:22:00.000-08:00

In the very long long time ago, when the Galaxy is still in its infant expending from the Big Bang. Life is just awaken from their long period slumber. Hence, create a super being, the only being that occupies the vast emptiness of the galaxy.... They call themselves the Jedi.

The Jedis create the True Order, all universe fall under the order of this True Order. Under the order, all beings, are equal in all rights. Everyone is control by the True Force.

The Jedis are explorers. They found the secret of warp speed, and they started to explore the Galaxy. They make friends to any being they encounter, and introduce the True Order. Later, when the number of being they encounter become bigger and bigger, a Republic is formed. The Constitution is create, and most of the great ideas from the True Force are incorporate into the Constitution.

Under the Constitution, the High Chamber is formed. The members are the Senior Masters of the Jedis, whose has been the very 1st generation of the Jedis, descendent of the Grand Duke Master of All Masters Moutakteng, The Great. The Chamber preserves the True Order, and the safety of the Republic.